Snark Weighs In: Episode Eleven

Two weeks ago, my mother had a Directv Satellite system installed in her home. A Directv system, for those of you who don't know, is like cable tv on steroids. Instead of 50-60 stations, which is what the normal cable provider offers, you can get 150 channels for about the same price. And forget the visions of those giant satellite dishes that take up an entire yard, and can pull in secret conversations between NASA control and space shuttles. A Directv satellite is small enough to fit anywhere. *

With dozens upon dozens of channels at my fingertips, there is only one I've been watching on a daily basis. One I have payed special attention to, because I knew that you–my public–would want to know about it. That channel is Soapnet.

For the uninitiated, Soapnet is the new 24-hour cable service from Disney/ABC cable networks that specializes in soaps past and present. I'm going to break my comments about Soapnet into a few categories,which are listed below.

PROGRAMMING:

The (supposed) jewel in the crown of Soapnet's schedule is same-day repeats of ABC soap operas. If you miss Port Charles, All My Children, One Life to Live, or General Hospital in the afternoon, you can catch them again beginning from 7:30-11 pm; 11:30 pm-3am; and 7:30-11 am the following morning. In addition to all this, Friday's episodes are replayed on Saturday from 11:30 am-3 pm. (All times are Eastern. Soapnet only does one feed, so consult your local listings.) As if this wasn't enough, Soapnet has also borrowed an idea from British television called an omnibus. For years, British networks have had a practice of taking a week's worth of episodes of a soap opera, and playing them back to back on the weekends. So, you can catch PC, AMC, et all, back to back at designated times throughout the weekends. This is great for the ABC soap fan who misses an episode for various reasons, or just wants the opportunity to see it again.

However, since I miss ABC soaps by choice these days, and rarely is there a current episode I want to see again, I was more interested in Soapnet's other programming. I know, you wouldn't think there was room for other programming, but Soapnet squeezes it in. The big gun of Soapnet's classic programming is repeats of Ryan's Hope, the ABC soap created by Claire Labine and Paul Avila Mayer, which aired from 1975-89. Soapnet has been airing the show from the beginning since January, with only a few episodes lost or unviewable due to the ravages of time. I was very interested in seeing this show, but wondered if I could just jump in. By this point, Ryan's Hope is well into its' second year (the show airs back to back every weekday). Well, I needn't have worried. Within two episodes, I had picked up everything I needed to know. RH really is a look back to those classic soaps of yesteryear where characterization meant everything. Indeed, I picked up what was going on from the characters and their actions, not mindless exposition that serves only to recap the plot, which was noticeably absent from RH. It's amazing how quickly I've become hooked on this show. I've watched it everyday for the past two weeks, and that's the only soap I can make that statement about right now.

Soapnet also reruns, as the announcer puts it, "those naughty nightime dramas". These would be Falcon Crest, Knots Landing, Hotel, and Sisters. They air in the afternoon, and again in the middle of the night. And in a truly bizarre programming choice, Soapnet has unearthed both seasons of The Colbys and is airing three episodes back-to-back every Saturday morning from 8-11 am. Can you imagine spending Saturday mornings with Sable?

Soapnet also features a show called Soapcenter, which interviews various people from all 10 soaps currently on the air. New episodes air every Friday at 7 pm, and are repeated ad nauseam throughout the week.

Also of interest: If you're one of those viewers who doesn't get PC until the wee hours of the morning–or at all–you can not only watch the current episodes, but you can also watch early episodes of PC as well, to see what you missed. These shows air every Tuesday-Thursday at 7 pm, and are repeated again at various times.

COMMERCIALS:

In a nutshell, there aren't any. This is probably because Soapnet is a fledgling network, but this network has virtually no commercials. Only the same-day repeats have any real sponsors (and those are greatly reduced.) The other shows feature PSA's and promos for the network. But these are usually bundled up and saved for the end of the hour. So, when Falcon Crest comes on at Noon, the episode is done by 12:50.

Since there are a lot of promos for the network, I'm glad to report that Soapnet makes them funny and interesting. It's hard to describe a promo on the written page, but there are some genuine gems like the ‘'Soapnet is as devoted to you as Tad is to Dixie" spot, or the various Hotel spots. Plus, the channel starts airing the weekly promos for PC, AMC, etc, on Saturday, so Soapnet viewers have an edge.

COMPLAINTS:

I have a few. I could talk about how the jewel in Soapnet's crown is the increasingly inspid ABC lineup–but I won't. Fact is, Soapnet has no control over the quality of their product, only how to air it and market it–and they do a fine job of both.

My main gripe is that there is no permanent place for re-broadcasts of classic ABC soaps, such as A Daytime to Remember that aired on ABC back in 1997. Soapnet would be the perfect place for that, but as of right now, it's not on their permanent schedule. (I have my suspicions as to why, but unfortunately was never able to get a definitive answer.)

Also, I think re-airing Ryan's Hope is a great idea. So great, that I think they should do it with other shows. Where are the early years of Loving? I know alot of people have been knocking themselves out to see old episodes of Another World or The Edge of Night again.

ROLLOUT:

And now, the big question: When am I getting Soapnet? I spoke with Jori Petersen, head of Media Relations for Disney/ABC cable networks, and she told me the following: Currently, the best way to receive Soapnet is through satellite, either through Directv or the Dish network. However, Soapnet is in the midst of a big rollout right now, that will make Soapnet available in 10 million homes by the end of the year. And it will grow from there.

And, so ends another wild and wonderful column. If you want to ask me any questions about Soapnet, or just chat it up a little, I'm only a mouse click away: E-mail me at snarkieposter@yahoo.com. I say that I love hearing from you; Webmistress Jilly says I'm an attention-hungry boy desperate for love. But, she wants you to e-mail me too–just to get me off her back.

Commentary: Now that Soapnet is the girl I fell in love with.  I'm not as enamored with her anymore.  Part of it is that I've grown even more annoyed with the current soaps that form the backbone of Soapnet's programming.  But the network in general is just too slick.  The old Soapnet had a sense of humor about itself, and was a little old-fashioned with its logs and promos.  This Soapnet is a little too slick, and the humor spots aren't that funny.

As Soapnet has picked up more same-day programming, and prime-time reruns, the outlook for classic daytime soaps has turned dismal indeed.  They did finally get Another World, but the only other daytime forays have been Ryan's Hope, which the network has treated haphazardly the past few years, and Port Charles, which was a current soap when Soapnet debuted.  I'm still amazed that they haven't at least tried a show like A Daytime to Remember--but I guess they fear the demographics it would attract would just be too old.  God forbid that Oxygen gets five more viewers in the 18-49 demo than Soapnet.

Don't get me started on Soapography or the mercifully soon-to-be-defunct Soap Talk.  Soap Center was better than both of those, until they completely ran it into the ground, a la One Day With...

Honestly, Soapnet isn't really a soap channel anymore.  It's a women's channel.  Soaps just happen to be the backbone of their programming, the way "Help! He's beatin me" movies are the backbone of Lifetime and old Carsey-Werner sitcoms are the backbone of Oxygen.

Now, you may be wondering how I spoke with Jori Peterson.  Easy.  Back in the day, the ABC soap website had a catch all guy named ABCTim, that you could e-mail your thoughts on what a hussy AMC's Greenlee was, or whatever.  But, I went a different way:

Dear ABCTim,

I curently write an on-line column for an internet site devoted to OLTL.  I wonder if you would be willing to answer a few questions about Soapnet for a future column.  E-mail me as soon as you can, and let me know if you are interested or not.  Thank you for your time.

Within ten minutes, I had a reply:

I'm really not the right person to talk to about SoapNet.  Jori Petersen is in their PR department and is probably the person you should contact.

He provided her e-mail address, to which I sent this:

Dear Ms. Petersen,

I recieved your e-mail address from ABCTim.  I write
an on-line column for an Internet site devoted to
OLTL.  I would appreciate it very much if you would
answer a few brief questions related to Soapnet's
programming. please respond as soon as you can, and
let me know if you are interested.  thank you for
taking the time to read this.

Two minutes later, she responded:

I'd love to talk and answer whatever questions I can. Please feel free to call me at...

And I called, and she was very pleasant.  unfortunately, most of the questions I had were related to Soapnet's programming, which she couldn't answer, but she promised to track down those who could and get back to me.

I think I'm still waiting.

Other Notes:

For some reason (probably just running behind), I didn't get this one to Jilly until a few hours after she had updated the rest of the site.  It was also on the day this was published that Jilly e-mailed me this:

"Yes I have read your Snark and when I know the content of what's under discussion, I find myself thoroughly in agreement."

That quote was from Michael Malone.  Damn.  I really should have taken that out of context and posted it prominently somewhere, the way I did with the Cady McClain quote.  Of course, he may not have been as in agreement with later columns.

*Well, not in your purse, or your bookbag.  I mean, it's not as small as a penny.

tags: soapnet  old columns