Daytime Emmys 2008 Liveblog: I Watch the Emmys So You Don't Have To

5:59 p.m. I'm here.  Will be updating as warranted..or just when I feel like cracking a joke.

6 p.m.. Our hosts for the Soapnet pre-show are Rebecca Budig, Ricky Paull Goldin, Finola Hughes, Lawrence Zarian (some dude from Regis and Kelly) and Good Morning America's Sam Champion.  Plus, a live musical performance from someone whose name I've already forgotten.

6:02 p.m. The singer's name is Jordan Pruitt, and she's already singing.  Two minutes into the pre-show, and we have a generic musical performance.  This is not gonna be good.

6:06 p.m. Rebecca is talking to someone from Night Shift.  She's playing a new intern.  They haven't even started filming the new season apparently.

Oh boy, shoe cam!  And Finola's shoes don't look polished!

6:08 p.m. Finola is intervewing Farah Fath and John-Paul Lavosier.  Lavosier is sporting the "what, me bathe?" look.  He's wearing the tuxedo Rex wore at his wedding. 

As soon as Farah begins trying to explain the storyline, Finola cuts her off and tosses to Rebecca.  Rebecca's guests?  Kristen Alderson and Brandon Buddy.  They are allowed to explain their storyline.

6:11 p.m. Lawrence talks to Adrienne Franz, who he introduces as being from B&B.  He quickly corrects himself.  Franz says it's fun because she's not the nicest character, and people come up to her and say they hate her.  I bet she thinks we're kidding.

As the show has been going on, they've been running fun facts across the screen in cable news style.  Thinks like "so-and-so actress who appeared on GH is also in this summer's blockbuster Iron Man!"  See, look at us!  We're legitimate, yay!  We have Hollywood approval!

6:16 p.m. Now Rebecca's talking to Emmy hosts Cameron Mathison and Sherri Shepard.  Rebecca asks Sherri how she feels.  "I feel like i'm gonna hurl!"  Don't we all?  Everyone keeps remarking on the heat.  Rebecca asks Cam how he's keeping cool in that suit.  "Well, it's not easy.  We've done love scenes together, Rebecca, so you know I'm a bit of a sweater!"

6:19 p.m. First technical snafu!  We were supposed to see a pre-taped piece on how Heather Tom is donating her dress to be bid on charity.  They don't have it.  They bring out Heather Tom and the designer, who is some dude from Project Runaway.  Then they say they have the tape.  And then they stand there like morons, cause they still don't have it!  And then when they run it, it's nothing that wasn't covered in the interview.

6:24 p.m. The dress will be put on soapnet.com for bid.  Proceeds go to two different AIDS charities.

6:26 p.m. Hey, did you know that Tommy Lee Jones used to be on OLTL?  See, soaps are totally legitimate.  Please love us, Hollywood, please!

6:28 p.m. Hey, it's Tony and Anna from DAYS!  Lawrence notes that Leann Hunley is one of the few thespians from DAYS to get an Emmy.  Come on, man, don't twist the knife.  We only do gratitious insults like that for GL.

6:31 p.m. Finola has Tristan Rogers.  "Hey, is this the line to Iron Man?," he says.  Finola asks him about his Night Shift storyline.  He says it's different.  The writers at Night Shift are basically pretending that his last go-round on GH never happened.  According to Night Shift, he's had a relationship with Robin, knows she's HIV-positive, and "is not a deadbeat dad."

6:34 pm. Ricky Paull was interviewing Nicole Forrester, and it was breaking up so bad, they cut back to Finola.

6:35 p.m. They just ran across the screen that Sherri is attending the emmys with her best friend, "Clean House" host Niecy Nash.

WHO?!  What the hell is Clean House?

6:38 p.m Just ran a promo for AMC, heavily featuring Greenlee, Ryan, Ryan's insta-wife, and what's his face.  I smell ratings bonanza!

And now, they're running a three-hour long promo for that failed Canadian import MVP.

6:41 p.m. Sam Champion is doing the Lead Actor race as a weather forecast.  He says the actor is hot & steamy, and is assigning them temperatures.  Geary gets the hottest at 98 degrees.  "Geary's character died and went to Hell--and that's a scorcher!"

Ricky Paull is talking to our young songstress, who apparently sang on AMC once.  Her new album drops in August on iTunes!  Ricky Paull tells the cowd to give it up for her.  The crowd doesn't.  "Hey, everybody, give it up for Jordan Pruitt!"  Nothin.  "No, seriously, she's right here!"  The crowd finally gives her a little something to shut them up.

Hey, it's the Free Credit Report commerical.

6:46 p.m. Rebecca is talking to Emily O'Brien.  Hey she doesn't sound British!  She's a phony!  She looks taller too.

6:47 p.m. Finola and Lawrence are talking to Steffy and Marcus from B&B.  For those that don't know, Marcus is played by a named Texas Battle.  Seriously.  There is nothing like hearing Finola say, "So, Texas, tell me how you got this job?"  The best part is that Texas Battle still isn't the wackiest name associated with B&B.  They had a producer one time named Lynne Bushyhead-Ripple.

6:50 p.m Rebecca has Roger Howarth and Marie Wilson, otherwise known as America's most unrootable supercouple, Paul and Meg.  Howarth brought his six-year daughter, Langston.  She's adorable, and spared us from hearing about Paul and Meg's story.

6:55 pm. Another two-day long promo for north-of-the-border bomb MVP. 

For those wondering, I'm gnoshing on a Papa John's Smokehosue Bacon and Ham pizza on whole wheat.  In past years, I've gone with Pizza Hut, but Papa John's had the best coupons this year.

The announcer welcomes us back to red-carpet coverage, by assuring us that "we'll see fashions wothy of Carrie Bradshaw."  Carrie is the lead character in Sex and the City.  Love us, movies!  Love us, prime-time!  We love you!

6:58 p.m. Ricky Paull has Beth Ehlers.  "And what show did you come from?"  "Guiding Light.  I was on there for twenty years!  But, I started when I was 4!"  She seems happy!

7 p.m. Finola and Lawrence have Jeanne Cooper.  she's actually dressed cool and comfortable.  They ask what advice she would give to a young actor.  "Get an education first!  And don't think you're going to be a big star on your first day."

7:05 p.m. La Lucci!  She's presenting Lead Actor tonight.  She was a judge in the category.  She says she watched the reels (so, she's the one!), and says it's very competitive category.

7:09 p.m.  Hey, it's the cast of MVP!  80 years of promos wasn't enough! 

Hey, did you know Tom Selleck used to be on Y&R?

7:13 p.m. Just ran a Night Shift promo.  "Night Shift returns July 22'nd--with Antonio Sabato, Jr!"  Okay, Antonio, Tristan--but what about Billy Dee?

7:16 p.m: Rebecca is talking to Antonio Sabato, jr.  He's been keeping himself busy by appearing on NBC's Celebrity Circus.  Jagger will be returning to Port Charles as an FBI agent.  He'll have a five-year old son named Stone.

7:24 p.m: Rebecca is interviewing her fellow Fusion co-stars, when what comes up on the split screen?  Scenes from the pole-dancing episode!

7:27 p.m. Rebecca is talking to Tyra Banks, who is presenting Lead Actress tonight.  Why?

7:38 p.m. I'm still here, there's just nothing worth commenting on.

7:48 p.m. Ricky's got NUKE!  Ricky asks them the same standard questions, and you can tell Van Hansis is bored out of his mind answering them.  Ricky asks them what it's like kissing.  "It's part of the story.  We've kissed several times!"  Then what the hell was that Nuke campaign about?

7:57 p.m. Our pre-show is wrapping up.  God bless her, finola is actually talking up soaps, and saying people should check them out.  What a shame that the network allegedly devoted to soaps has undercut her for 117 minutes.

7:59 p.m. Getting ready to switch to the mothership...of course, this may be the last year the Emmys air on broadcast if rumors are true.

8 p.m. We're starting with a comedy bit.  Sherri has invaded the world of AMC looking for Cameron, while Cameron is looking for Sherri at The View.  They've done worse bits.

8:03 p.m. They're all seated at tables this year.  The Guiding Light people look like they've never seen so much food.

8:05 p.m. Now Cameron and Sherri are just randomly yelling at stars.  "Hey Ellen!  Hey Susan Lucci!  You going back to jail Monday!"  The fans are all in the balcony, safely away from the casts and crew.

At each table, there is a digital video camera. After the show, clips from each table will be uploaded to Soapnet.com.  They show some clips as examples. The camerawork is less shaky than GL.

8:08 p.m Geary and the two Carlys are up to present Supporting Actress.  The hat picked Gina Tognoni.  We'll see how he does.

8:10 p.m The winner is...Gina Tognoni!  One for the hat!

Damn, they're playing that awful GL theme.

8:11 p.m.  Tognoni says she's proud to be on GL, which has been on for 71 years.  She's proud to be on daytime, and hopes it goes on for a million more years.

8:15 p.m. Sherri welcomes our first winner to the K-Mart lounge.  Nothing says classy and glitz like K-Mart.

8:16 p.m. Apparently, talk show has been split into two categories: Informative and entertaining.  Tyra is nominated in the informative category.  They show a clip of her telling people to kiss her fat ass.  Of course, she wins.

8:17 p.m Tyra thanks her mom, Grandma Fanny, Donahue, Oprah, and North america.  She closes by telling people that when somebody puts down your dreams, tell them to kiss your fat ass.  It's National Classy Night at the Emmys!

8:20 p.m. Time for the OLTL montage.

8:22 p.m Boy, you can tell the Higley clips from the Carvaliti clips.  Prom Night, everybody!

8:28 p.m. Sherri is working the crowd, when she gets to Barbra Walters. "Hey, I'm the girl that works with you.  The black girl on The View?  I know you don't know cause you're promoting your book."  Whoopi quit apparently.

Younger Actor is next.  The hat says Pelphrey.

8:30 p.m. It's Pelphrey!  Two for two!

8:31 p.m He was really choked up.  He said, "This award is for my father.  We miss you."

8:31 p.m Kassie DePavia, Susan Haskell, and Easton present Younger Actress.  DePavia says that she wants to take some time and welcome "the real Marty Saybrooke back."  Oh, we were doing so well.  Haskell says thanks, and now it's time for Younger Actress.  "It's always time for younger actresses," says Easton.  "And older actresses and all in between!" Wow.

8:34 p.m. Younger Actress went to Jennifer Landon.  Damn.  I was really pulling for 7 and 3/4ths.  They're moving at lightning speed.  Landon was on stage for like twenty seconds, and they started rushing her.  She ended by saying something in French.  She's a fan of Y&R's Victor and Sabrina, apparently.

8:39 p.m. Montel Williams is doing a montage of the children's show awards.

8:40 p.m. Nuke is out to present Best Talk-Show Host.

8:42 p.m. It's Ellen.  Guess that means we'll get our 42'nd annual "View ladies whining about why they lost for the 42'nd year in a row" spot later.

8:44 p.m Coming up next: A look at nominee Guiding Light!  I'm cringing already.

During commerical breaks, they're doing these segments called the K-Mart Style Squad.  Two people apparently won a K-Mart makeover.  "You look great, ladies," says one of the stylists.  "Now we need to get you some bling!"  I don't know much about fashion, but I know this:  You don't get bling at K-Mart.

8:49 p.m The Hubbards are out to present for Directing. They say it's the Directors who guide their performances, and let the actors take all the credit.  No, Debbi and Darnell.  It's all you.

8:50 p.m. OLTL for directing.  Rats, says the hat!

So, that's what Jill Mitwell looks like.  She says she's happy to tell stories in the daytime community, where faith, love, and hope prevail.  That doesn't sound like current daytime to me.

8:52 p.m. They just did the GL montage.  It could have been worse.  But, the scene of Reva and Jeffrey in the world's tiniest hotel bed, playing the banjo.

Now, it's best court show.

8:55 p.m The winner is Christina's Court.  I think she almost passed out.  I don't even think anybody there's heard of this show.

8:57 p.m Christina finished talking, and the producer went up to speak, but they cut him off with the world's sleaziest porn music.  I believe the crowd started booing.

9:02 p.m. Supporting Actor is next.  Come on, Kerwin!

9:04 p.m. The winner is...Kristoff St. John.

He thanks all the actors in the category, as well as Ric Hearst for not being in the category this year.  He says it's been a rough couple of years, and this is not a kid emmy.  He thanks everybody including Lynn Marie Latham for giving him of a hell of a ride.  He closes by thanking God and Bill and Lee Bell, in that order.

Writing next.  The hat says OLTL.

9:07 p.m.  It's OLTL!

9:08 p.m. Okay, I've got to double back.  Prior to giving out the writing award, our presenters (Spinelli and Maxie from GH) spent like a minute and a half sucking up to all daytime writers everywhere.  "They're the ones that give us such great things to say, and they're the ones who keep the audiences glued to their sets, day after day, year after year!  So, let's give it up for all the writers of all the shows!"  Hey Spinelli, i've got this thing you might want to see--it's called the SON Ratings Report.

9:11 p.m. Time to meet the accountants!  That never gets old.

9:13 p.m. Cane and Lily introduce the Y&R montage.  They say that after 100 emmy wins and 1, 000 weeks at number 1, there's only three things you can be sure of: Death, taxes, and Y&R.  Hubris, baby.  Nothin but hubris.

They then play the nightmare that was 2007 in condensed form.  I think my favorite part was the clip of Olivia talking to Neil about his fall off the wagon after Dru's death.  You know, dropped storyline no. 72.

9:15 p.m Entertainment Talk Show goes to Rachael Ray.

9:25 p.m. Regis Philbin is getting the Lifetime Achievement Award right now.  Next year's winner?  Tyra's big fat ass.

9:33 p.m. Lead Actor is coming up after the break.

9:39 p.m. They just did a bit where Sherri wished she was on a soap so she could make out with the hunks.  So, Cameron made out with her.  The best part was the cut-away reaction to Lesli Kay who looked dismayed and appalled.  That was hilarious.

Then they showed clips of Nelly Furtado and Mary J. Blige on OLTL, for no particularly good reason.

Cameron is intervewing Lulu from GH, and asks if her character will be married to the mob.  She says she's always available for Sonny.  Oh come on, even now, we have to do Sonny worship?

9:42 p.m They're running the GH montage, and it's predictably laughable.  Are these real GH fans in the balcony, or trained monkeys?

9:43 p.m. Tyra and her big fat ass are out to present Lead Actress.  The hat backs Jeanne Cooper.

They just ran the "I GAVE HIM AWAY!" clip.  LMAO!  Devoted Snarkcast listeners will remember that.

9:45 p.m The winner is JEANNE COOPER!

9:46 p.m.  Oh, that speech was awesome!  "I bet you thought I was dead!  High Definition is a bitch!"

9:47 p.m. La Lucci is out to present Lead Actor.  Come on, Bergman!

9:49 p.m It's Geary.

9:51 p.m. Barbara Walters presents Best Show after the commerical break.  The hat picked Y&R.

9:54 p.m. No, it doesn't look like there'll be a mention of Beverlee McKinsey or anyone of daytime's dearly departed.  Guess that would take too much time from Night Shift or MVP.

I think we got off without a View whinefest.

9:55 p.m. Standby for Best Show...

9:56 p.m. The winner is...General Hospital?!

9:57 p.m. Jill gave a speech talking about how they've learned to have faith and be resilient, and that gets them through anything.  She then offers up thoughts and prayers to people suffering from the floods and various other ills, and tells them to have faith and be resilient.  Did she kidnap Ellen Wheeler's speechwriter?

10 p.m. Well, 4 out of 9, which is four times better than last year.  From now on, I'm sticking with the hat.  The Emmys is so much better when you stop caring, and at the rate things are going, that won't be so hard to do!

Thanks to Maria and sfk for hanging out in the comments thread, and thanks to all you lurkers out there!  From Snarkcast Studios, this is Snark signing off.  Good night!